in the desert

[lox]

Soldier on a long tour in the desert goes up to his commanding officer and says "I 'm going nuts, I need now or I will crack up". The officer says "I completely understand. Thats why we keep a camel in the stables there". The soldier was shocked at first, but thanked the officer and went out. Five minutes later he came back in and said "Thanks, I really needed that". The offcier looked puzzled and said "how did you get to town and back in that short time?"

[lox]

 Soldier shows up for his first day of duty in the desert. His CO is showing him around the camp, pointing out the barracks, the latrines, the mess tent, etc. The soldier sees a barrel with a hole in the side sitting in the middle of the camp and asks, "What's that barrel for?"

 The CO says "Well you can stick your dick in that hole and get yourself a free blow job any day but tuesday."

 "Why not tuesday."

 "Tuesday's your day in the barrel."